How is this story so far?

Question by Monica: How is this story so far?
Nicole was truly blessed. She was hanging out with the popular girls at a party in which only popular kids were invited to. Her boyfriend was still Carter Atkins and she was standing next to her best friend Andy Simms. Thank goodness she got lucky.
She was about used to being popular. It didn’t phase her when a guy flirted with her or when a few girls stared at her enviously. She even enjoyed pretending to like that little narc people called Savannah. It was sad watching her try to get along with Nicole when eventually Nicole was going to toss her over the edge. All she had to do was play the right cards and soon Savannah would be no more.
“Pass me a drink.” she said to no one in particular as she walked down the hallway of Holly’s beachfront.
“I got it.” Andy said, handing her a bottle of Polar Ice.
Nicole took a dainty sip from it. The cold beverage surged down her throat. It wasn’t a party without alcohol to get everyone in the mood. She never really drunk alcohol before, but once she started hanging out with Carter and his friends, she had a new obsession over Vodka and Rum. She flipped her long, dark hair and stared several people who were admiring her lean body. Not eating much came in handy. Especially when there were other girls who had shapely figures. Of course, Dominique Ogilvy was kind of mannish, Savannah was a prude, and Courtney Hofstadter was short. So it was left to Nicole to have the hottest body in the ninth grade.
“Have you seen, Savannah?” Andy asked her, stepping outside into the crisp air.
“No,” Nicole said innocently, “but she was kind of rude to me this morning.”
Andy didn’t look too convinced. “What did she say?”
“I said hi and she just gave me a sour look.” lied Nicole.
“Cool,” he said halfheartedly. “Anyway, doesn’t it suck that today’s our last night here?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I want to stay here forever. Thank you for inviting me.”
“Don’t mention it. We don’t leave out any of our friends.”
A few other girls walked by, exchanging hellos to her. This was unbelievable. Not only did everyone like her, but they worshiped her.
Flirting with Carter Atkins in the hallways was the smartest thing I ever done. Nicole thought contemptuously.
Speak of the devil, Carter was on his way with Elisha by his side. Nicole waved them over, thrilled that Elisha was joining as well. She would have done anything to have her attention. Just nine months ago Nicole was nervous about being thrown into school with a bunch of snobs from Paramount Middle School. Now she was one of them.
“Elisha!” she called. “Over here!”
Elisha’s white teeth glistened in the moonlight. “There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you!”
They both exchanged kisses on the cheek. Nicole knew she wasn’t best friends with someone until they started kissing each others cheeks. This was a dream come true.
“I love your outfit, Leesh.” she gushed. “Where’d you get them from?”
“My Aunt Chris shipped them in from Barneys, New York.” boasted Elisha.
Nicole stared enviously at her yellow sundress over her green Dolce Vita sandals. Her dark-blond hair was swept into a wavy ponytail, cascading down her back. Any girl would kill to look like her or Jen Nguyen who was unfortunately not present with them. Jen was an extremely pretty Vietnamese girl that every boy in the school had the hots for. It was hard not to be jealous of Jen. Savannah’s beauty was equal to Jen, but no one really noticed because she was black.
“I fucking hate you!” said Nicole. “I’m gonna steal ‘em.”
“Oh, you can borrow them anything.” granted Elisha.
That was when Carter stepped up. “Hi, sexy.”
Nicole blushed. The other night she had sex with him in her sleeping quarter. It was awkward the first time, but awesome the second time. He was better than her first.
That’s the point. Nicole is stuck up and delusional. No one really is obsessed over. She’s only obsessed over herself.
thank you! But Nicole is far from perfect. I’m just trying to make her sound stuck up and a bitch. She’s not supposed to be likable or someone to relate to.

Best answer:

Answer by kevn4o8
um…i guess your pretty good at telling a story. But, it doesn’t sound “realistic”, how EVERYONE is all about Nicole and how they’ll just do anything for her.ect. However, as far as writing goes, it’s good. As far as storyline goes, eh……..

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